Updated: Feb 9, 2022
Each Usiges and Kelpies
Often mistaken for its smaller and less dangerous counterpart, the Kelpie, the Each Uisge is renowned as the most dangerous water spirit in all of Scotland and the British Isles. The confusion comes from obvious places, I must admit. Kelpies and Each Uisges essentially have the same abilities, characteristics, and forms. The chief difference is that Kelpies live in rivers and streams and are said to be far less dangerous and powerful, whereas the Each Uisge lives in deep water lochs and the ocean and possesses powers of god-like proportions.
From what I’ve read, the Each Uisge is to the Kelpie what the Alaskan timber wolf is to the coyote, the saltwater crocodile to the alligator, the great white shark to the stingray. Either way, the Each Usige, and Kelpie are two of my favorite spiritual cryptids from the British Isles, so let's to some of the good bits.
The Each Uisge is a shape-shifting water spirit that is usually seen in the form of a horse. They are also said to take the forms of birds, ponies, and handsome men. This is unique in siren-type lore, as the Each Uisge rarely appear as women. Changing into female form is apparently more of a Kelpie thing.
Ability-wise, the Kelpie and Each Uisge are reasonably similar. Both lure their victims to the water's edge, some say with sounds or songs, some say by tricking their victims into riding them. Others suggest one might be unlucky enough to be forcefully dragged to a watery grave by them.
So, if you are ever wandering the Scottish Highlands and you see a horse by the edge of the ocean, just REALLY asking to be ridden, don't ride it. Especially, don't ride it if it literally asks you to ride it, or if it sings to you, ’cause if a horse sings or talks then that horse is a f**kin' demon).
If you mount an Each Uisge, you will quickly find that you are stuck to its adhesive hide, its friendly pony visage has turned to an aquatic demon, and instead of eating carrots, as you always assumed nice ponies do, it eats the flesh of foolish—seducible humans, such as yourself. You will realize all of this as you are galloping into the ocean and down toward the freezing Scottish sea floor.
Though Kelpies are "less dangerous," I would still advise you to avoid any horse sitting alone by a Scottish river, an Irish stream, a Welsh pond, or a British creek, looking extremely rideable. Similar consequences ultimately occur.
Finally, suppose you are pretty much anywhere at all in the world, and you see a beautiful person (man or woman), naked, by the water, a cliff, or a conveniently foggy highway, just begging to have sex with anyone who passes by. Well, that's just the biggest cryptid red flag ever. Don't have with them ’cause you will be fuc**ing a demon.
The critical differences between Kelpies and Each Uisge, which makes the Each Uisge more formidable, are these.
1.) Each Uisge are guardians of the afterlife in some Gaelic/Celtic lore. They might stand in judgment of you in your final hour, killing you if you're unworthy of immortality and condemning your soul to wander listlessly forever.
2.) Kelpies can be controlled. It is said if you can bridle a Kelpie, you can handle it and all other Kelpies it runs with. Each Uisges cannot be controlled. There are a couple of stories of them being killed by hot iron, but mostly, they do the killing.
3.) Though Kelpies are generally nasty, they have also been said to warn of storms and coming conflict. Each Uisges seem to be only motivated by their evil desires to devour the flesh of anything foolish enough to follow or touch them.
What do you think? Are Each Uisges the most dangerous creature in the British Isles mythos? Do you know of a Scottish, British, Irish, or Welsh cryptid that could give them a run for their money? Let me know down in the comments.
Thanks for reading, everyone!